It's music! My favorite tracks on on here, though, it only let embed the first 3.

Artificial Intelligence, It's Not Just For Bots

One of the websites I visit for a racing league I'm involved with is prone to getting spambots posting random nonsense like this:

code for a single amino acid
single mother dating service georgia
another friend dating
women looking for serious relationship
101 christian dating
yahoo music chat rooms
single parent adoption canada
how to have a better relationship
chat on websites
dating gay internet
to chat with a beautiful girl
dating man relationship seeking site woman
dating services online free
california teen chat
disabled dating disabled singles
blurty personals
christian singles dating christian personals for single
dating catholic
card card gi oh single yu
latin girl chat
relationship between temperature and air pressure

Even if this weren't completely random looking, I don't get the point of it. What exactly am I going to be suckered into doing by viewing this? Even if I were that dumb, this piece of spam only seems suitable for other spambots to consume, like a tin can instead of a glazed ham or stick of slim jim. Maybe the spambots have been replicating with artificial intelligence, giving birth to a secret order of spambots that communicate together via English gibberish.

"Relationship between temperature and air pressure" placed at the end of this random junk could really mean "Murder the meat bags in six days!"

Ballad of Opeth

I think it's about time I post a music video on my blog, but I don't know how. I think it is via embedding, but on this video that's been disabled.

Here is an example of Opeth playing a ballad, which is another thing they do really well. You cannot say that Opeth is only "slow ballads" or heavy metal and guitar solos and growling. They capture many emotions in a variety of styles, but this song is slow and beautiful.


http://youtu.be/FBS7ejV9qEk

A Funny Line

I've been browsing through an old book of poetry I wrote in 2003 when I was really depressed , and didn't get along with anyone.

I know it's sad, but I think this line is funny too:

"Life is so terrible. So life is like a box of chocolates, only, someone has eaten them all except for the ones I don't like."

I sound kind of spoiled, some kids don't have food or their parents hurt them, at least I had a home to live in and no responsibilities. I think I realized this even then, and it only made me sadder to know that I wasn't enjoying life.

This is It

After much stalling I am now gathering my unneeded crap into piles of garbage so I can actually pack up the stuff I still want to keep. I'll be moving to Portland next week and I'm excited, but the logistics behind moving (especially so far) is a headache. Most of my things will go UPS to my parents place in CA, and we will drive ourselves to Oregon after I fly in (after some time to rest).

People here keep asking me why I want to move to Portland. I keep saying "It's the weather" but that's only part of it. Still, it proves my point when the weekend forecast is predicting a category 3 hurricane sweeping into the southeast, and my flight out just happens to be the morning it arrives! Damn, I hope it turns out back to the ocean. Yeah, Georgia can keep the humidity, the heat, the thunderstorms, the tornadoes and hurricanes (it snows too, but I like snow).

I'm looking to have a more active social life outside of work too. There is so much to do in Portland, not to mention the mountains, the coast, and Seattle and Canada are a short drive away. One of my favorite comedians, Maria Bamford, is going to be in Portland this weekend, but sadly I won't be there yet. Eventually she will come back, and there are other acts, bands, etc. that I would like to see in my town. Now I can!

I'll definitely miss the people I've known while here in Georgia. I never wanted to start a Facebook, but so many folks have requested it and I think I can enjoy it now that I have people to keep in touch with. It's going to be hard to leave my best friend behind, but we can still have fun talking on the phone. There is a good chance some of my friends will come out to visit, and one day I will visit Georgia again (my sister still lives here). After that, I'm looking forward to meeting new friends in Oregon.

I'll get the Facebook running later this week. I'm looking to take lots of pictures, and I'm planning on keeping a tally of the unique things I will see in Portland. Should be fun!

Opeth is my opeth

Another band I must now raise up to the height of best damn band is Opeth, originally from Norway, this band is the most intelligent and virtuosic of all black metal and heavy metal bands. They have an overall sound of Halloween, but without the cartoonish satanism and witchcraft of most other bands in this genre, so I should say instead that if Fall and Winter had a sound, it would be Opeth.

What would that sound like? It could be fast, thrashing electric guitars and fast beats. It could also be soft guitar strumming, long repeating verses of sad piano and guitar melodies, and smart electric guitar solos. Opeth can take you into a mellow mood that borders on meditation, and revive you with headbanging rock anthems in one song. Eastern melodies intertwine with native Norwegian style guitar and singing.

The lyrics are epic stories that get stuck in your head, even though they almost never repeat a line. It's hard to say that Opeth just sounds like black metal or heavy metal, since they produce an eclectic range of different sounds, often within one song. It's common to find Opeth music plays for 7 minutes or longer.

The vocals switch between melodic singing to less melodic growling, a common practice in death metal, but the difference here is in their lyrics. The music is dark without becoming tedious, and that's the most refreshing quality that separates Opeth from the rest. I simply love every song I hear. Thanks to You Tube playlists I can listen to Opeth for hours.

Another impressive feature is this band shines on stage, I think half the videos online are live and they sound just as good as the studio work. Better just let the music speak for itself, because I could probably spend an hour describing how great Opeth sounds.

http://youtu.be/SOous91wrtE

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/DuckInAParticle

No More of This

Guys with girl's haircuts: this needs to end NOW!

I've ranted about inconsiderate shoppers and burnt Cheezits, but the shit is about to hit the fan. I'm not hateful against homosexuals, I don't believe everyone just chooses what sex to be attracted to, but I do believe it is a choice for a straight man to dress up like a woman and I just think that is a stupid choice to make. I don't mean cross-dressing either, I'm talking about the metrosexuals. It seems like the purpose of this style is to be as androgynous as possible without hinting at your real sexuality.

What does this style look like? It begins with the hair. Messy hair that's been stylized to look messy at any hour of the day. Uneven bangs that split down the face like a tear or a pear (lots of emo kids have these) and closely trimmed around the neck and shoulder area. On a woman these styles look fantastic, on a man they look clownish and effeminate. There may be highlights or one color, usually black, but it all says the same thing to me: hey man, girls are attracted to guys who look like 13 year old girls.

A man should not spend so much time and money on his hair. And do women notice a man's hair first, or something else? Men are competitive, does this mean now that guys are competing for the most sissified haircut?

Keep your damn skinny jeans and v necks, stop acting like your 13 year old sister! Sadly, I have a friend who thinks the metro dude is sexy. I try and remind her "Yeah, but he may be bi-sexual, and you aren't changing that. He is most likely a conceited fool." I find it discouraging that straight girls are attracted to gay men, even if they know they are out of the closet. Looks aren't everything, and if he isn't interested in your anatomy I don't see the point. A straight man is never going to be what that gay man is: another woman, with a penis.

Is that crude or offensive? I don't mean it to be, my point is that a man is never satisfied by just being friends with a woman. If a man is interested in you he wants what you got, but you can still be friends, he just won't be satisfied unless you put out. A gay man doesn't bring that kind of pressure, he isn't interested, so in that way he is another woman who shares a woman's sexuality.

This makes me ponder what gay men think of this look on straight men? I think of that show, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and what was the point of that show? If a gay man hits on a guy sporting a metro look, and it turns out he does it for the chicks, doesn't that frustrate him?

If more women are turned on by this look, I can almost understand the trend that follows. It is true that men will do some stupid things to get a woman's attention. How about these classic suggestions: learn a trade, be handy, be polite, and make some money so you could at least afford a family even if you aren't ready to have one. Oh, and cut that stupid fucking girl's haircut off your head, you wuss!

My Family, or, How Not to Build Wealth

I just finished a very unsettling conversation with my mother. I'm a little surprised at myself for feeling so agitated, and maybe I'm not thinking rationally, but I don't have any one else to talk to now so all I can do is write this blog. Sure, I could keep it private, but I think this is something relatable and I like feedback. The issue at hand is how the estate was passed along by my grandmother to my mother (also her brother, but he is not an issue) and what is planned for sharing some of it with me, my brother and my sister.

The main problem is that my grandma didn't have a will or anything. My mom took power of attorney and sorted out the estate, which was very stressful for her, and now the estate is divided between her and my uncle. Already my mother has spent a substantial portion on not one, but two newish cars (she sold one before my grandma was dying to put credit back onto a credit card and somehow replaced it with another car, so there was no immediate need for two cars) and tonight her plan was for me to get a car as well. Now, my need for a car is slightly more substantial (my car has 156K miles and a broken water pump that causes it to overheat if I use the air or drive it very far) but I would prefer to have a pricey repair done on it than have another car waiting for me in CA or sent to me in Georgia.

Before tonight, my mom said she would be "giving me some money" but never said how much. I have feelings about the timeliness of that conversation but it's too deep to discuss right now, but I'll say it was inappropriate and not what I had in mind when I heard my grandmother was dying. However, tonight, after explaining how she brought home two cars my mom said she'd like to buy me a car. This is different than giving me an amount of money, simply because that leaves options with where the money should go. All of this discussion begins about a car and I have no idea what amount she even has to give me or spend, just that we should pick something sometime and she'll spend it. We had to go round-about it until she gave me a number that she wouldn't spend over. I'm very uncomfortable talking to her about it, but I told her I don't want to spend any of it.

I've become a miser, and I like it. That's how my grandma was, but in a severe way that got out of hand for her. I hope I don't become like that, but the way I'm thinking tonight maybe I'm a little crazy. Tell me what you think...but I don't want any of that money unless it's under the condition that it's mine to spend or save on what I like (being within reason, I don't want a vacation in Paris or a thousand videogames and movies), I just want that peace of mind in a savings account.

So fixing my car would cost a fraction of a more expensive used car, and I would keep the most savings that way and still have a car. If a mechanic looks through it and says "She doesn't look good" then I will look into the issue of another car. I used to be just like my parents, you see they have a trend going back 27 years of spending through all their money when it becomes available, and in-between going bankrupt and being sadly foolish about making any money.

But the greater issue for me is all the focus placed on the estate of loved ones rather than mourning their passing in my family(my other grandparents had a lot of wealth that got divided up between 5 children, once they were gone the house they had lived in was sold and cleaned out, it had only monetary value it seemed). It's been less than a month and my mom has spent a good portion of the estate on two stupid cars she didn't need (some other things for the house but at least that's a real investment) and now she wants to decide what type of car I should have. Yes, if I went along with her I could choose a model under the amount she has in mind, but I'm more concerned about the future and what motivates us to spend money.

I'm also fighting against the urge to spend money quickly, putting myself at odds with my parents in all of this. They surely believe I'm being ungrateful, but I'm learning to be more considerate and independent than I've ever been. I don't want the kind of relationship with them they had with their parents, I don't want to resent them while they live and wait by for them to die so I can finally have their stuff. I want to earn my own stuff Goddamnit, what's wrong with this family of mine?

I can tell my mother is spending to keep herself happy, after all she just had a hell of a time dealing with her mother's things, and she hasn't had any income of her own for years now. I'm concerned however that this will be short lived, the money isn't being invested or saved up, and just taking what she has to offer me is taking her for granted. When I told her I wanted to make the decision with the money, to fix my car and save all the rest, she claimed to be confused and stated she won't pay to have my car fixed. When she reminded me "this is a freebie, there are no strings, you don't need to pay me back" I realized this isn't true, at least, she doesn't know it but there is a price to pay.

I've followed in her footsteps and have squandered certain sums in the past because at the time, there was a need for the money (just like my parents), and now it is all gone. Even my current car was purchased by my grandfather's estate money given to me by my parents, so why should they give me more money to get another more expensive car? If I had considered those "freebies" more than just a chance to spend money on a temporary need, for a temporary thing that loses value, what would my situation be like today? Wouldn't I be in school, in a better car, with a savings account, and some peace of mind?

I don't want any of this money because it will not motivate me to earn my own income, to strive for and work hard on a career, and because my parents aren't investors and they don't have a great retirement plan, just a monthly check from the government. I think they should keep it, but I also fear that they will lose it shortly. Cars lose value, break down, get stolen and wrecked, while people die.

All this time and my mother hasn't discussed what she is feeling, just what she has been doing. The only time she told me about how she felt was when she became physically ill from stress. I feel emotionally bankrupt in this family, I don't know how my sister feels, I don't know what my brother feels, I don't think I could bring it up comfortably or offer any consolation to them anyways, and no amount of money will change that.

In closing I have reflected on how my parents resented their own parents, even though they depended on them so much into mid-life, just because they could never be independent enough to make it by without asking for help. Only a few times my parents were rejected, but most of the time my grandparents were instrumental in helping us acquire yet another home, or yet another worthless car. All the while my parents squandered this generosity, but how could they know any better if this was the acceptable relationship between aged parents and grown children?

Even up to my grandmother's death my mother wasn't on speaking terms with her. I'm afraid of ending up this way. Even now I resent my mother for spending on those cars while refusing to let me fix up my own car for a fraction of the price. But what right do I have now, after my father paid for my car, it really isn't something I've earned. I don't even want to feel this way, it's poor judgment that they would spend so much without a second thought or a glance back at previous errors, but I would follow them further if I were to point a critical finger at them. sigh I have a lot of hard work to do now. But am I crazy?

Funny Thing of the Day

This is the funniest thing I've heard today: "Carve out your individuality by being inept." by Adam Carolla during his podcast. He's being sarcastic, BTW.

I highly recommend listening to this podcast when you have the time, I've been being doing it daily for 2 years now and I'm almost always entertained and provoked into thinking about important things. It kind of centers me, keeps me down to earth, and also reminds me to wash out the coffee mug when I'm finished drinking from it.

http://www.adamcarolla.com/ACPBlog/

Huh?

Got to love that You Tube. Most of the time I only interact with sane polite people who I can relate to. I don't often post controversial comments, but sometimes I have to chime in on a heavy subject, and I never hear back on any of these. To my surprise, instead I see more random replies to what seemed like totally innocuous comments, like these.

The video is by a female gamer who is into WoW, a parody about giving advice to men who want their wives or girlfriends to play WoW.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_0g2kSg3VM&feature=relmfu

My comment was "Very nice. Now if you could teach us how to trick ladies into playing Minecraft, you might become a millionaire!" My comment was meant to reflect how WoW has a more diverse core of players while Minecraft appeals to very nerdy guys with too much time on their hands (including me).

Today I see these replies from some random person, who sounds strangely like a spambot (who is trying to sell BDSM? I don't know):

***male feminist supporter talking to male unknown !

ladies won't understand create power supply, collect wealthy minerals, construct military buildings, keep the power supply high for the ammunition and the fuel in the military vehicles, solve a riddle of many strengths of many soldiers with many weopens and vehicles many speeds thick and thin armour, etc=COMMAND AND CONQUER GAMES to play online with close friends against AI players !

ladies enjoy life, males construct civilty.

ladies won't want free gifts, ladies want money to spend for herself and her household!

i am male and i know that ladies should have fun and lots of parties !

i know that males should be the servent for feminist ladies and seduce them into oral orgasms and BDSM !

oral is a version from BDSM ; )

BDSM is a fantastic massage all over the body, extreme BDSM always leads to injury !

LADIES LOVE THE NINTENDO DS (mind solving games) AND THE NINTENDO WII (sport games) ONLY !***

Huh? I like the part that calls me "male unknown", like a terrible Sci-Fi movie. "Security alert! We've got an unknown male in sector 6!" I also like how they can claim "ladies only love the DS and WII" despite the fact that the woman who posted this video plays WoW on PC.

So, men build "civilty", that's why we play war games simulators? Or, just my theory, because men are very competitive with each other. And I wonder what the current Secretary of State knows about "solving a riddle of many strengths" and keeping the armed forces stocked up on supplies and military funding? Good thing she's not a woman...oh wait.

Coffee Trivia

I first saw this yesterday and it popped up again on Yahoo today. It's actually accurate, except for the part about the macchiato. According to Starbucks recipe cards, the macchiato involves pouring the espresso shots over the foam, thus "marking" or "staining" the milk. In the video they describe it as "mostly coffee stained with milk" which doesn't make sense, you don't stain coffee with milk and it's not how we make them at Starbucks. Maybe other cafes do?

It's a cool video and I'm pleased they explain the difference between a cappuccino and a latte. This pairs so well with my older post called "Petey Vanilla Bean", just like a classic coffee cake pairs with a cup of Pike's Place!

http://www.yahoo.com/_ylt=AmD1KqMJgEoyfTCopYgrlCSbvZx4;_ylc=X3oDMTZzOWIzZTlhBF9TAzIwMjM1MzgwNzUEYQMxMTA2MDMgbmV3cyB3aG8ga25ldyBjb2ZmZWUgZHJpbmtzIHYEY3BvcwMyBGcDaWQtOTY3OTgEaW50bAN1cwRpdGMDMARsdHh0A0hvd2NvZmZlZWRyaW5rc2dvdG5hbWVzBG1wb3MDMQRwa2d2AzE2BHBvcwMwBHNlYwN0ZC1mZWF0BHNsawN0aHVtYmxpbmsEdGFyA2h0dHA6Ly93aG9rbmV3Lm5ld3MueWFob28uY29tLz9uYyZ2aWQ9MjU0MjI2NTMEdGVzdAM3MDE-/SIG=126a8bfac/EXP=1307375889/**http%3A//whoknew.news.yahoo.com/%3Fnc%26vid=25422653

*POST EDIT* Ok so that link is freakishly long!

Some Ron Paul Humor

A long long time ago I subscribed to the Libertarian newsletter but I've since become disinterested in them. However, this issue featured some Ron Paul jokes in the manner of the Chuck Norris jokes that became so popular on the Internet. I thought these are pretty good:

*Ron Paul has no alarm clock, but instead wakes every morning to the call of freedom.

* Ron Paul doesn't cut taxes. He kills them with his bare hands.

* Ron Paul doesn't go the gym. He stays fit by exercising his civil rights.

* Dr. Paul delivers babies without his hands. He simply reads them the Bill of Rights and they crawl out in anticipation of freedom.

* King Midas shook hands with Ron Paul once. Nothing happened.

* Ron Paul has two first names... and is proud of it.

* Ron Paul was born 75 years ago, but he is only 45.

And of course…

* Chuck Norris has a list of 5 people not to mess with. Ron Paul is all of them.

Why The Terrorists Hate Us

We let 10 year old girls sing our national anthem at our nationally televised sports championship games.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/blog/ball_dont_lie/post/Video-10-year-old-wows-NBA-Finals-crowd-with-so?urn=nba-wp4339

Now I'm going to be a mean old grouch, but I did find it a little too much. The girl was basically screaming at a high pitch and over exaggerating the low notes, but it was still better than most adult singers who give us way too much ornamentation after every phrase. There was no pitch way--yy-yy-yay-y---yyave that most adults add just to show off.

It's a good thing, and more proof our country is the best.

Fear of Dying

Last night my grandmother passed away, we had been expecting this for a week. She was my last grandparent, and I haven't seen her since I moved to Georgia. She didn't want to have a funeral, so there is no service.

My grandma had a big presence whenever she was around, she was very observant and sharp. She could also get under your skin, she had an endless need to talk and describe things at detail when she told stories, but she also had a tendency to argue. If she believed something was true, you couldn't shake her from that position.

When I think about all my other grandparents, I was most close with her. I realized several years ago after my grandfather died that she wasn't likely going to live 10 more years so I reached out and made an effort to keep in touch with her. This was also a difficult time because my parents weren't talking to my grandmother over something she said after my grandfather (her ex husband) passed away. It's true my grandmother could be a difficult person to understand, and sometimes she couldn't be tolerated, but I will still miss her.

The point of my post is a deeper thought. I've thought about this before but after a while I tend to forget. What we seem to fear most is death, but if you spend enough time thinking about it death is only a release. No, I don't want to die, that isn't natural. But I don't think it is death we fear, instead what we are afraid of is life itself. After all, it is in life that we dread death, perhaps we imagine death will be a continuous dreadful existence that lasts eternity?

It's in life that we have feelings, experience pain, and grow attached to what's familiar. In life we have things to protect, including other life, and we have a tiring need to stay alive as long as we can. If you think about it too long and add it all up it doesn't seem to have any point, no payoff, only one day we will die. And we don't know when we will die! How horrible is that?

I'm not trying to bum you out, only reflecting some common feelings towards life and death. My point is that once you understand that life is the big scary thing, death is more acceptable, but not welcome. I think the point is to relax and release your fear of dying and focus on living without fear. The good news is that you don't have to live in fear, these thoughts tend to take center when we focus on the unknown, but if you concentrate on what you do know and what you can do, the fear melts away. We don't have the option to live forever, at least not without dying first (and having faith), but we do have some choices in how we live. That's the big scary life option, live in fear or have fun and be happy!

I Don't Like This Cheese

Is there ever a good time to discover you don't like gouda cheese? I fixed some pre-made gnocchi tonight that came with a cheddar and gouda sauce mix. Yuck, I couldn't even finish it. That cheese smells like feet!

I should've been more careful. I recall from watching old cartoons that limburger cheese was the most lethal stinky cheese, and I'm sure gouda wasn't far behind.

Winning versus Losing

A few weeks ago I had a frustrating experience during my Sim Race on XBox Live. Last week I had a complete opposite experience and after thinking about the two I realized something. First, here's the exciting details about my fake racing...well, it's simulated but I take it so seriously.

Two weeks ago I had a decent race going. I ran third all night, and I wasn't expecting to finish any worse or any better. It was on the very last lap of a clean race that I turned into a corner just at the wrong time so my car hit a vicious bump that turned me up on two wheels before sending me tires over roof rolling to a deadly stop. Imagine a really bouncy rubber ball just hitting the edge of a curb and launching at top speed away from you, it's not coming back. This destroyed my car and I could barely limp around the track to finish in dead last.

I was so mad, I wanted to scream but my neighbors might have called the cops. I had laundry going at the other end of my apartment complex so I took a walk to cool off. I had many feelings, I was embarrassed but I was also mad at myself for losing focus. I also struggled to understand why I give such a trivial game so much of my time and energy. Still, I couldn't shake the awful feeling of shame and frustration for several days.

I had two options for the next race: I could spend the week angry with myself or I could focus harder. My best track was coming up next, so I chose to focus more. I practiced a lot all week, so once again I was invested in the race results. If I crashed again it would be so ridiculous I might never race again. There was a lot of pressure I put on myself, but in the end it proved beneficial.

Not only did I win the pole (I started first place), but I took a commanding lead the entire race, so I only had to drive as fast as I wanted to. The main competitor in my series is very good and has won every other race this season, except two. That night, I beat him soundly. He made two mistakes that cost him the race, and I had a flawless race.

I was happy and my team owner was pleased, but it also felt inconsequential. I wanted to brag and boast, but who cares what happens in some video game match besides the people involved? Sure I still think it was an accomplishment, with all the thoughts and feelings from the previous race weighing in, but in the end I think I spent more time in the place of frustration and dissappointment versus my successful follow up. I just didn't have a similar reaction.

This could apply to non-simulated situations as well. Think about a hefty bill and how that feels, versus an awesome discount or a rebate. Maybe I feel entitled, so my reaction to a freebie is more like "It's about time I got my break!" when maybe there are breaks every day. Perhaps the amount of time spent brooding over a have not or a failure overshadows the true wealth we normally have.

Ultimately my victory last week squashes the tumble I took before it, so perhaps next time something goes horribly wrong I won't feel so bad if there is still the possibility for sweet retribution. When that isn't a possibility, I better tread carefully!

A Singularity

I am convinced life can be defined by a singularity
Only forwards
Never backwards
And gravity is not a force of attraction
But the only resistance to a cold lethal nothing

Huddled around a small ball of heat
Steadily resisting the pull of nothing
Falling inwards keeps us warm
Always afraid of going outwards
To the space in-between the planets reach out to save us

Our science warns us that gravity is weak
So you can never take it back
You can never have it back
History belongs to the vaccuum

A weakly burning slowly aging life is still short
Immense stars that outnumber our dreams burn brightest intent on their own destruction
Yet in gravity they hold fast
Outliving the generations
A beam of light from what is no longer there
To mark the age of the only original survivors

Weakly pulling a tug from something somewhere unseen keeps calling me
Under duress I dare and escape
From a futile existence
There is no escape

Once I was so small
Yet I attracted the most attention
What force do I now possess
To repel life from a singularity?

Midnight June's Roommate Checklist

If you get a profile of a roommate that looks something like this, you'll be more likely to choose someone who isn't going to ruin your life or just bum you out. This comes from what I've read on your blog so I have an idea of the type of person you won't like having around.


"I'm a young college student who needs a warm place to crash. My favorite activities are talking loudly on the phone at all hours of the night, grooming my pets in doors and dancing randomly to rave music at 3 AM. I like to cook but I don't like doing the dishes, even if there is a dishwasher.

I have a sizable cardboard box collection and a few of them are flattened for storage, but I do require one extra closet space or at least a corner of the living room to store them in. I also own 3 ferrets that need plenty of exercise, a loud and unfriendly parrot that likes to try and bite people, and a very old pug that snorts all day and has issues with its bowels.

I'm a very friendly and welcoming person. I don't like to judge people for their decisions and lifestyle. Therefore, I tend to invite strangers over to spend the night. I'm looking for a home with a large couch or futon so my new friends will have a place to crash at night. I suffer from sleep apnea so I snore loudly, and I need room to stretch when I sleep so I don't ever share my bed. I'm hoping to move into a home that is open to all kinds of people, and that doesn't have a strict policy about having permission to keep company over at any time.

I get along with most people, but I can't stand it when a person talks down to me just because they make more money than me or pay more for rent. I don't like people who try to parent me and require me to do chores, I'm a mature adult who can take care of things when I decide to. I don't like when people dictate what I talk about. I'm not a puppet, I like to speak what's on my mind. It's important that when somebody has a problem with me that they tell me to my face.

I have my own car, but it has a very new look to it so I prefer to park it in a covered area especially when it gets windy outside. I don't like to live with people who are so stiff and predictable that they get upset if I decide to rearrange their things, especially if those things aren't used. Carpe diem, I like to live life by the moment! I hope my roommates won't be so uptight if their things get wet, because I think random water balloon parties are the most fun. It reminds me of being a child, I like most things that remind me of being a child. I miss being a child. I think most people are unhappy because they have too many responsibilities, and they would be better off without them.

So I'll be graduating in 6 to 7 years so I hope my roommates and I will be best friends until then."


So yeah, don't pick that person next time and you may find a responsible adult instead who goes to bed at a reasonable hour, who doesn't leave random people on the couch without warning (or just doesn't have people come over, didn't the spend the night thing end when we were 10?) and who won't touch your shit. Sadly, I was thinking of a few real people I've known who remind me of this person describing "themselves". I think you'll find a much better match next time, and soon this mess will be a memory.

The Death of Osama bin Laden

Some thoughts about this, but also concerning the celebration of the assassination of bin Laden. I just finished talking with my father tonight, and he mentioned how angry it makes him to see people celebrating, not because it's wrong to celebrate the elimination of such an evil man, but because we shouldn't be celebrating until all the troops come home from the various conflicts right now. I agree, even though this makes me feel somber. Perhaps some of us have projected our feelings away from the thought of seeing the war ending onto the actual demise of the terrorist icon bin Laden?

To put into scale our need to celebrate, I ask what has bin Laden contributed really since the attacks of 9-11? His role in those events forced him into a fatal if not permanent life of secrecy, hidden for all these years but not forgotten. Do we believe the war is over now with his death?

Yes it once seemed likely to the unsuspecting world that bin Laden was already dead, which is something to be desired by one who does not want to die at the hands of the enemy! I for one am grateful that a few skeptical leaders did not order an end to the hunt.

This isn't like the Second World War and as we've seen recently simply removing a figure and eliminating their regime from a country doesn't bring an end to a conflict. Never the less, we can feel righteous relief when men like Saddam Hussein, Hitler, and bin Laden cease to exist. However, the circumstances under which these cancers of humankind are removed have proven that it can be difficult to justify the measures taken to the nations, both abroad and at home. The argument often begins with "Well, it was good that Hussein got removed from power, but...".

This leads me to the difficulty I have accepting the beliefs of current conspiracy theorists. While there is much to be gained politically by the elimination of bin Laden for our President's administration, and people may forget or become confused by the difference between events that correlate to each other and simple coincidence, the timeliness of bin Laden's death and Obama's position in the polls is just a coincidence. To say Obama held onto this idea to play as a trump card is to dismiss the efforts of the people who have been slowly and carefully tracing the location where bin Laden was hiding. It would also be a dismissal of the capabilities of the Navy SEALS reported to have completed the mission, as if they are nothing more than a figment of the President's imagination who are conveniently summoned to be protagonists in a story that heightens the President's stature.

What isn't a conspiracy, but a logical political procedure, is that Obama's administration will seize upon this single event to regain political traction and they will likely continue to hype their role in the capture and killing of bin Laden for as long as they can. Although modest and more exceptional, it would be folly to do otherwise because the popularity of a politician pivots around their response to events beyond their control. In this case, Obama's decision to approve the raid on a possible bin Laden hideout was a gambit that paid dividends, while it was the hard work of other teams and individuals who provided the location and executed the mission. Obama did not locate and kill bin Laden himself, but in the coming months we may be encouraged to perceive it this way, especially if we are reminded more of the "tough decision" to execute the raid versus the silent SEALS team who made it successful.

The disappearance of bin Laden after 2001 is evidence that his only logical choice for survival was to run and hide and be silent (most of the time), as well as the shear odds against finding one man in a vast remote region. Bin Laden's ilk have proven as well that they are zealous enough to kill themselves to preserve their beliefs and bury their loyalty concretely, so it does not surprise me that more sources knowledgeable to his location didn't present themselves willingly, leading to a possible early capture.

The people who present the 9-11 conspiracies are another group I am disgusted with and many of them have added the latest news like pieces in a puzzle to their vision of what's happened already. Normally I could dismiss or ignore them because I am usually convinced conspiracy theories are inventions of the mentally ill, but I believe a new segment of conspirators has become vocal in accordance with the trend in narcissism. Some people want to become personally involved in famous events or stories that they were never a part of originally because it's the only way any one will pay attention to them, or because they desire to be the first to reveal the truth of what really happened, to become the authors of a new page in history, effectively erasing the facts from the past. The access to the staggering footage of 9-11 is both evidence for and against their claims, since any one can take a look and share with the public what they think they see, and so on.

This is what angers me most, because if I can see it, and you can see it, and you still expect me to believe that a plane is a "missile" or that the government needs to demolish New York City landmarks, the Pentagon, and to murder thousands with airplanes in order to invade Iraq, I cry "CONSPIRACY AGAINST YOU!!!" and your motives to try and pull the wool over my eyes. A jaded and cynical bunch are those who readily believe what the narcissist presents as an alternative to facts, they are blind being led by the blind, but who could see if they wanted to!

Finally, the question of whether or not we should celebrate the death of bin Laden. Or, the death of evil. Not evil for all time, but for this time. Should we feel guilty if we are glad to see this man die, and would it lessen that feeling if we consider him evil? Some people are upset that anyone could feel happy at a man's death, but that isn't accurate in the scope of who we are talking about. If you told me that a rampaging maniac who was going door to door murdering strangers at point blanc was shot and killed one door down from mine, I would be shocked but very happy to be alive! Bin Laden's role was to provide momentum for an army of jihadists picked out from a life of religious and political chaos, offering the means for revenge, retribution, and a perceived access to heaven in return for their lives. So yeah, I'm happy he's dead!

Yes, I'm sad that such a "man" was born, who was not happy bringing peace and joy to the whole world but who instead was a leader of murderous religious zealots and disenfranchised countrymen in a world that is trying to develop into a responsible and cooperative modern society of many nations. I almost feel angry that some people don't approve of our celebration of the death of bin Laden, except now I'll remember what my father said. We should not be celebrating like this until all of our brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers and fellow countrymen are safe at home again.

Petey Vanilla Bean Scone

Tonight I had a woman at work who ordered this: "a petey vanilla or whatever that thing is". She had to stick her finger on the glass to point it out to me. She seemed like a nice lady, just a nice lady who needs to get out more, maybe read some books. The word was "petite", by the way.

I get this a lot. If you look at the word mocha, do you read it as "mosha" or do you understand the hard "k" sound? The worst drink to understand is the "caramel machiato" and there are several ways to mispronounce this. I could list them but I'll leave it for your imagination!

Close to the menacing machiato is the Vivanno smoothies. For some odd reason most everybody calls it a "Viv-i-anno" adding that "i" from nowhere. It sounds like the name "Vivian". To the credit of the public, our menus tend to have very small print and I don't understand why they have to be so tiny. People have to extend their neck like E.T. over the counter in an attempt to read the mysterious words behind my head.

For the record, many people don't know what language we use for the drinks. Most will guess incorrectly that it's French up there, but other than the "petite" vanilla scone (which doesn't have a place on the menu, it's written on a card in the pastry case) I can't think of many French words in use. The language is Italian, in fact a barista is the person who "tends the bar" even though we aren't serving alcohol, and there's no bar.

This is what goes through my mind whenever another person struggles with the language, I just don't earn enough and have enough time to spare to explain to every person the correct way. However, if someone is curious enough to ask me I gladly explain.

Just for fun, my old boss had a few nicknames for some popular drinks. Out of spite they were the "Icky Chippy Chip" (aka double chocolatey chip) and the "Miley" (vanilla bean, I guess because she is so white?). A typo appears on our register for the caramel machiato, leaving out the second "a" with "machito".

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I work behind the counter at a Starbu cafe', although I work for another company called Tarjay. They right my shecks so I can pay my bills and poot fud on my taybull.

For April Fools

In another post I already mentioned the story of Jake, the child with Asperger's syndrome who has some questions/insight into equations by Einstein (as regards properties of motion of light, and speeds faster than light). I'll leave this link to You Tube so you can see what he is talking about, although I don't know if it's going to make a lot of sense, this is what got people talking.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iazsabmd9tk

Later, I posted the following over at the Escapist website forum where a discussion was unfolding over this kid and his "genius". The Escapist is a site about video games, BTW. My contribution to the discussion was promptly ignored, which is fine. I was only hoping to lighten up the conversation over there, and I'm proud to say I think this is funny.

Much like the duality of light, Jake's sandwich has already been proven to be both nutritious and delicious. He is also working on a theory that explains how although he may be standing straight up, some of the bites he swallows will travel in his esophagus sideways, allowing small pockets of air to collect in his stomach. Hypothetically, this will lead to minor gas. Jake claims data proving this theory can be expected 6 to 8 hours after eating.

And taking a stab into theoretical physics, 12 year old Jake has also prepared a theorem which suggests with each passing of gas a new universe is added into the fabric of the multiverse, although on a magnitude many times smaller than the most fundamental theoretical particles. For now he has coined these new "universes" simply as "sharts".

Surprisingly, Jake's mother (who still does his laundry) is thrilled by the impact his work could have on the world of physics.

...or at least that's what I'd be writing about if I were his age *cough* ...

Not So Common Misconceptions

It's the time of year when Catholics (some of them, any ways) practice Lent, that is to give up something you love to have every day for what is it, a week? I'm not Catholic, but I practice something similar: it's called Spent, and it's almost all year long. It mostly involves spending money, sometimes balanced by making money, and losing both by spending my time doing nothing important. I don't really love those things, so maybe I worship at the wrong altar?

So I wrote about some of my own misconceptions from childhood, revealing a natural curiosity for the world I found myself in. Now I'm an adult and I'm still curious, although my search for answers has been stifled by a quest for money and a place to call my own. I've been succeeding lately, so now I actually have a little more time to go exploring again. These traits are probably common amongst us all and children should be curious because they know so little. Another trait I noticed about my self is how I enjoy sharing what I've learned. Even at an early age I was so eager to share my knowledge of "potential black holes that travel through space devouring solar systems, even light itself" and how one day our sun will probably explode in a super nova...but not for billions of years. I always paused at that part. That was third grade.

Whether or not you become jaded by learning too much about something you shouldn't get involved in depends on how much discipline you have. There is a side effect in learning where you may become a know it all, which is likely an indication that you don't know enough! That was me in third grade, all my excitement about space was met with disinterested faces, which I responded to with disgust since my classmates didn't feel interested in cool shit like outer space.

At some point I stopped being so unique and became interested in things that were more popular, a common theme that dominated High School. Almost everyone has an opinion on politics, education, and "ooh" freedom of speech. Hot topics no doubt, but a lack of experience or education on these subjects leads to many popular misconceptions.

I don't like to be jaded, so I won't talk about those common misconceptions. Plus, there are articles (done with real research and junk) that aid in deconstructing the most common myths. Instead, I'd rather get back into the subjects I'm more interested in, that aren't commonly discussed but still come up randomly, which is part of why I'm willing to call myself an expert. I am an expert of random crap!

Let's delve into my favorite and oldest subject: space! The sun is made of fire...is inaccurate. The sun is indeed a hot ball of blazing material, in fact it's so hot this stuff enters an uncommon terrestrial state of matter known as plasma. In space, however, plasma is the most common state, evidenced by all those stars at night. The sun is mostly elements of hydrogen and helium, with many other elements divided into much smaller proportions, reacting at very high temperatures. Hydrogen is the lightest of all elements, and also the most common. It's also very flammable. Being so abundant, it is also the longest lasting element to remain as a plasma, so stars continue to shine for billions of years before they burn out.

Plasma is what happens when a gas like Hydrogen, or the air inside the path of a lightning strike, is heated to a star like temperature of 10,000 degrees Farenheit or higher (lower temperatures don't exclude the existence of plasma, this is just my example). Lightning overcomes the insulation of air at a temperature five times higher than the surface of the sun (in most cases, some lightning can reach 25 times this temperature) when it strikes in the form of plasma.

A quick definition of plasma is a gas heated so much it only leaves electrons and other charged particles behind, behaving the way we expect electricity to instead of gas.

So fire is a reaction of the elements at lower temperatures, in the states we are familiar with on Earth-solid, liquid and gas, but plasma continues this reaction at much higher temperatures where matter behaves differently. I like to think of the sun as a big ball of "electric fire that is also lightning on fire" even though that earns me funny looks.

Dark matter...isn't dark, or anything we know of at all. It's a mathematical component to the problem of how much total mass should be in the universe. Our best calculations of known matter leave a large portion missing from the equation, so we plug in "dark matter" to see how much we are missing. Trouble is it isn't matter at all, or we'd be able to detect it somehow, especially when the missing amount is a quarter dark "mass", and three quarters dark "energy". I think this label is misleading, and so is the calculation, because we presume to be looking for matter and energy, only in a state that we haven't recognized yet. From there we could go into theoretical stuff, but I'll pretend it's "dark paragraphs" that cannot be detected yet.

God is a white man with a white beard...or so imagined the painter Michelangelo. Now I know I've set after uncommon misconceptions, with the intent of replacing them with facts, but sometimes just pointing them out when I don't have a fact to replace it with must do. My real goal is to encourage critical thinking, although these words make me cringe because I sound like an assignment heading from a text book.

I'm not suggesting that what Michelangelo painted wasn't a personal vision of God, or that he was wrong for doing so. There is a trap, however, that I notice many people fall into when arguing over the existence of God. Some people truly take offense to the idea that God is a man, a white man at that (with a ZZ Top beard), and will argue that this is clear evidence that God is a figment of our imagination. Trouble is, it is correct that we do imagine God in a fashion that suits us. However, that alone does not disprove God, it only reveals we have a creative imagination.

So it doesn't offend me, some people prefer to imagine God as a woman, some prefer God be an angry bolt of lightning, hellfire and brimstone. Whatever, this process reveals more about ourselves and our relationship with God and the present culture than it reveals the image of God. Hmm, God creates people in His own image who imagine God via their own creations? Difference being our creations don't come to life and imagine their own creations, of course.

And my current image of God? I like the "Father" metaphor, especially in the older original context, where the father was leader of the household, provider, and protector. That's how I commonly imagine God's characteristics, although the idea of a white man in a white cloak is silly to me. I cite these descriptions from the Bible, I try not to imagine God being contained in one image or word (including the word "God", it's another invention of ours that references a power beyond our own). What's important for me to remember is that however I imagine God to be like, my thoughts cannot influence God, and that my thoughts and intentions are always known to God even when I don't know them myself.

Lightning rods attract lightning...is false. Nothing attracts lightning, it is an exchange of powerfully charged opposite electrons. These charges always try and seek each other, regardless of what they are contained in. One way to remember this is to understand that lightning, and electricity in general, follows a path of least resistance. The critical point is how the path of least resistance is impossible to predict, even the lightning doesn't know where it will meet an opposite charge whether in the clouds or on the ground. Air itself resists lightning because it's an insulator, although this resistance is what allows lightning to reach such incredible charges.

The term lightning rod can be used in a misleading way. For example, Charlie Sheen has become a "lightning rod" of media attention, and gets people talking about controversy. Here, a lightning rod is someone who "attracts" attention. In this case the key is in the idea of attraction. This isn't how or why lightning rods work. If they did, why in the hell would any body want to install a lightning rod on their roof? This would also suggest that lightning rods could collect all strikes, thus saving everyone and everything from ever being struck, and we could potentially transform all that plasma energy into workable electricity.

The real purpose is to possibly save your home from being struck, directly discharging an immense current around and into any conductive surfaces. A danger from lightning to your home is from the large currents blowing out wiring, sparking fires from electric wires or appliances, and electrocution from being in contact with conductive surfaces inside the home. I've seen photos where pieces of drywall were blown out from the wires inside the wall, leaving large burn patterns around electrical outlets. Most of the electricity gets discharged into the ground, still, a direct strike on the home leaves this much damage or worse. A lightning rod therefore helps conduct the massive current along a copper wire that is deeply rooted into the ground, leading the energy safely into the earth and sparing the home.

All said, lightning is unpredictable, but it is more likely to hit things that are tall, pointy on top, and isolated.

Lightning begins as a charge seeking an opposite charge (in a cloud or on the ground) moving at speeds we cannot see. Slow motion cameras show us the process which takes less than one second. Stepped leaders fall to the earth like fingers, getting close enough to attract opposite and invisible charges from objects on the ground (like trees, antennas, people, and lightning rods). When these two make contact, the charge returns from the ground up to the cloud, filling each "channel" created by the leaders, in a flash we see as lightning bolts.

If a stepped leader gets close enough to your house, an opposite charge may connect at some point on your roof. Since a lightning rod is taller, pointier, and isolated on the tallest part of your roof, lightning is more likely to follow this path of least resistance, into the copper wire and into the ground instead of the wires to your computer, telephone, and microwave.

So let's try that phrase again, correctly. If Charlie Sheen is a lightning rod (with Tiger Blood) of attention, we are saying that he increases the odds of getting attention himself thereby diverting attention away from the people who installed him on their roof. Hmm, that just doesn't work at all.

Did you also know that lightning is not as big as it appears? Average bolts of lightning are a silver dollar in diameter, it's just so damn bright that the bolt appears much larger.

Bold coffee has more caffeine...is false. Boldness of coffee refers to the duration the beans were roasted for, to give them a darker or richer and full flavor. The level of caffeine isn't affected by this.

Modern airplanes fly themselves...yeah right, that's a scary idea. Usually this refers to the technology involved in autopilot systems. These are advanced machines indeed, but they require input and programming from the pilot before and during all phases of flight to be safe and efficient. Sure, an autopilot will fly a plane straight and level---into the side of a mountain. The pilot is still required to know the flight plan, maintain course, and most of all communicate with Air Traffic Control. Autopilots still aren't designed to handle the unexpected, and can create disasters themselves if the pilot doesn't intervene.

Autopilot is most efficient at maintaining altitudes, air speeds, course settings, and keeping the pilot from having a lot of work to do with his hands during the busiest portions of aviation. Takeoff and landing procedures are simplified as well, but all of this depends on correct inputs from the pilot. It would be more accurate to say that airplanes fly themselves the way the pilot tells them to.

Guys think about sex every...3 to 5 minutes...or more often as I've heard before. I don't know about other guys but I don't think about it that frequently. This might be too much information, but I only think about it several times a day on average, in intervals of hours on average. So yeah, that seems a lot for one thought, but we all have our proclivities. Maybe other guys do think about it this much? Perhaps I'm spending too many hours thinking about plasma and fire lightning bolts.

Ron Paul cannot win...is a broad claim that appeals to apathy in voters. This one counts as a not so common, because even though it has to do with politics and the general election from 2008, I feel the argument that we shouldn't vote for this candidate because he "cannot win" is so effective that nobody talks about it. Did Ron Paul win the Presidential Election in 2008? Nope, so case closed? NO!

My problem with this is its circular logic: don't vote for Ron Paul, why? He cannot win. Why? Because HE CANNOT WIN! Is there some clause in the Constitution that declares "One day a guy named Ron Paul will be born in the USA, he is forbidden from becoming President (even though he maintains a 10 year seat in the Senate and is admired by his constituents)", or was he not born in the USA? At least offer a reason along with that statement, then we can think critically about his qualifications.

Nope, those who display this "argument" offer no other reason. It's a disgusting ploy to minimize the candidate and ignore his ideas, and encourages the belief that we must vote for one popular candidate versus another popular candidate, regardless of whether or not we believe they are genuine and suitable leaders.

I regret my vote in 2008 because I voted based on a belief one was the "lesser of two evils". I completely ignored Ron Paul and fell totally for the argument of apathy. It's true, Ron Paul cannot win if we don't vote for him because we don't think he will win. Stupid.

Since I discovered Ron Paul again this year, I find I agree with everything he proposes. He appears to be a superb economist and his speeches are quietly charismatic and moving. His response time during the debates was sharp, on point, and honest. He put those other putzes to shame, yet we were discouraged from supporting him.

Actual arguments that have been raised to challenge him are that he is too radical, that if his plans were put into effect the country might collapse, and our national security would suffer. I won't list his ideas here, just to say that Paul is a defender of the Constitution and his ideas are within the bounds of the Constitution. I believe today our government has dismissed the Constitution in a trend that has steadily increased for forty years, so anybody who challenges that trend is a threat to the power of the government.

I don't know any better way to end this entry than with that rant right there.

Child Savant I Was Not

I was watching a news clip that popped up on Yahoo today about a young boy who is a kind of math savant, who was talking briefly about some problems related to one of Einstein's equations (not E=mc square) and the propagation of light. Needless to say it went over his mother's head, but the boy seemed to understand what he was talking about. Maybe he will learn how to explain it in simpler terms.

I guess the point I want to make is how impressed we are when children are really good at something, like math or music. Even more so when there is a disability or disease in the background, like this kid I saw on Yahoo today who was born with Asperger's syndrome. My biggest question is really how well do these kids understand the subject they are talented at? I know when I was a kid I was interested in all kinds of things that were completely beyond me, except in my case I was usually wrong in my assertions about the world around me. I thought I might list them here:

1. The "dome" for a sky. When I was really little, like 5 or 6, I remember observing the sky and concluding that it was a dome that started from the ground (the horizon) and covered the Earth from end to end. The problem with this meant the earth would be cut in half, so whenever I saw a globe I couldn't reconcile my understanding with what the Earth was supposed to look like. I thought about that a little too much!
2. The color of countries. Again while studying the globe I initially associated each country (like Canada and USSR, yeah it was before the Union collapsed) with the colors they were illustrated in (like Pink and Green). I'm not sure I really believed the land there was colored that way, I just couldn't help but associate each country with the colors on my globe. This actually helped me remember most of the countries in the world before they taught about it in school (US states were more difficult because they were each a different color).
3. Black and white movies. Again with the colors, or lack of color, I began to associate specific eras in time with the colors used in the movies from those years. So life in the 70s was always technicolor, while the 80s were dark and grainy (crappy VHS) until the 90s introduced vibrant colors (just search You Tube for some of the TV ads from the early 90s, it was out of control style). I really believed for a while that the reality from the days my parents and grandparents were kids was living in black and white. How bland!
4. The Devil. I was too young and too curious to know about Satan, the Ultimate bad thing. Mostly I wanted to make sure I would always avoid the devil, so one night I asked my mom exactly where is the devil? Her answer was "The Devil is everywhere!" Her response will always resonate with me, it's so deep, but inappropriate for a kid because kids think literally. I remember being outside that night, and staring at the moon after she said this, thinking "the Devil is in the moon right now, and he sees me!". She couldn't have said something else like "the Devil is in a place you will never go because God loves you" or something sweet like that? I know she was just being honest with me, but I was only 5 or 6!
5. Black Chinese people. This one has to do with politically correct language. Again I was too young to understand (not that adults do a good job making sense out of things) our label for African-Americans, and thinking like a kid, this made me wonder if there were literally African-Chinese, like Chinese people who were black, but from China and not America. I didn't know about slaves being taken from Africa, or the origins of different cultures yet, and just thought that every country had "white" Americans and "black" African-American-Japanese, Chinese, Canadian or whatever people. Oops! Even now, does PC language make sense in any other country? If a black person is a citizen of China, does that society deem it proper to call them African-Chinese, or just Chinese, or something else? And what about the people from Africa who aren't black, would they be considered African-American?
6. Clouds crash into each other, causing thunder. OK, sadly I was in 4th grade before this idea was challenged. At least most of the other kids in my class thought the same way. Where I was raised we didn't have many thunderstorms any way, so why give it much thought? In case it isn't clear what causes thunder, lightning is hotter than the surface of the sun (like I got to learn about this stuff in school, I read about astronomy on my own time, but skipped over meteorology) and that snapping, crashing, booming sound is from vaporized air that was expanded in a flash, followed by many echoes across the land.
7. The question of "why?". This subject still applies to life today, but usually in a more practical approach like "Why do I work so hard for so little? Is this what I was meant to do in life?" In third grade I was staring outside my classroom after finishing some test early, so it was a quiet moment. Gazing deeply into the dark blue sky of another early morning in class, I began to ponder "why", as in "What am I doing here, why am I alive, in this class, at this time, staring at this strange blue sky? Why is the sky blue, why are there giant planets and other stars beyond the sky, what point does my life have and why does this all make me feel so empty inside?" Whoa, crazy deep thoughts for a kid, it was actually so much I became depressed by it. I was scared of feeling this way, and afraid I might not want to live, so naturally I shared these difficult thoughts with my mother a few days later. Instead of hearing something comforting, or being acknowledged for having a curiosity about the meaning of life, my mother (being typical as we've seen) overreacted, which freaked me out as well, by scorning me, suggesting that "I was suicidal, and that my thoughts were frightening" to her. She added " I must not think that way any more" and that she "didn't know what put those thoughts into my head" (mind control, now that's a concept to introduce to a kid like me at a time like that). That quickly put an end to that nonsense, for a while any way. At some point I probably considered thoughts like these were being slipped in by the Devil, if I followed her logic. I was a weird and nervous kid (now I'm a weird and nervous adult)!
   

Something I Hate

Besides inconsiderate people at work or on the roadways, something I really hate is when you get a new box of crackers, like Cheezits, and you find that more than half the box is made of burnt crackers! These must be the boxes that get filled towards the end of the shift, when the workers get lazy and let the final workload simmer a while longer than they should.

I'm thinking of writing a strongly worded letter to the makers of Cheezit (Wheat Thins are next!).

The Rude People

A rant is in order, but before I unfurl my specially honed words at the general public, I offer this non sequitur. When I was a young teenager, an awesome cartoon show appeared on Cartoon Network called "Space Ghost: Coast to Coast" and it was a late night comedy talk show setup, but they used the old Hannah Barbera (I guess all HB stuff is old) cartoon characters from Space Ghost. Today the minds behind this hilarious television are responsible for the ever more popular and outrageous TV segment "Adult Swim" also on Cartoon Network.

I was viewing some episodes from SGC2C on the Adult Swim website (sadly, there are no new episodes of Space Ghost that I know of) when I caught one of my favorites. Do you ever think of the Olsen Twins? Don't they look weird? I love this episode because the character Tad (Space Ghost's unlikely evil twin) mentions the Olsen Twins, that he doesn't like them because "they look like those awful Troll dolls". It's funny, but it's also true! I especially like this because I always thought the same thing before I ever saw this episode, so I'm glad somebody else agrees. That's it.

Now, the topic: customers at work. I have worked the same retail store for two years now, and I can no longer help but notice these particular traits amongst the general shopping public. Some people stand out more than others, but what dumbfounds me is the bad behavior or habits of most people in this public setting. It's just rude!

First, littering. The shopping cart that you borrow while you make the rounds is not a trash can. Who thinks it's OK to leave napkins, diapers, Starbucks cups, ICEE cups, and just trash in the cart when you're done with it? Some carts become selected as dumpsters, they just sit in the corral for days or weeks filling up with trash. Who do you think is responsible for cart cleanliness, the employees? They aren't, it's you, litter bug. Because in five minutes some sucker will come after you're finished to use that cart, only they'll need to pick another one because you can't be bothered to throw away a cup! The employees are too busy putting the carts away for you, answering your questions, taking your payments, etc. to pick up after you.

This continues with cart replacement, or returning the cart to it's place in line. We keep the carts lined up for easy access and convenience, so why is it OK to just randomly abandon the cart where you last stood before leaving the store? And it's contagious, people won't return carts to the orderly lines because it takes 10 seconds longer than "hey let's leave this here where there are 6 other carts abandoned in front of the exit door". Do you enjoy weaving in and out of carts on your way out the door? And what about the people behind you who need to take their cart outside, don't they exist too? This one is just pure lazy, and inconsiderate.

I get to see parents with their fussy, nasty little children, and I can tell they are not focused on anything else. Multiply this by a dozen, and that's the average customer in our store. But I can't accept distractions as an excuse to be rude and inconsiderate. What lesson do you teach your kids by littering where you find it convenient, and being lazy about putting away what you borrow so that the person behind you can move along?

Again I suspect our spoiled culture expects some unspoken service to come along and sweep up behind them. The reality is when you disrespect the folks who work in the public they begin to resent you, and your quality of service will suffer. We are constantly struggling to keep up with the mess people leave at work, and we are always oriented in customer service, but that must be a two way exchange. Help your self by not helping yourself to whatever you like, but be mindful of your impact on other people who are working and shopping around you.

We have these machines on the checklanes for reading credit cards, and they're terrible. They use touch screen buttons that only work when they want to, and they require too many confusing steps before anything gets transacted. But keep in mind, I am not the technical repair chief, I don't have any training in card reader repair and functions. People always look at me like I can do something to "make the machine go", and it seems like nobody ever learns this. It's like entering a modern store for the first time dozens of times a day, every day for most people. I don't get it, snap out of your daze folks!

Back to carts, when somebody finally does get a chance to return the carts to orderly lines, please do not step in-between the carts being moved and the front of the line they are moving to! I see this all day, people walk in, ignore you, and pass right in front of your objective without a second look. I've determined this is another huge time saver for people, because walking around 8 or 9 feet the other way is a costly detour. Better to take the shortest route possible, no matter what's happening. But if I don't look out for you, I very well could squish you in-between two rows of carts.

Does it make sense, would you go walking under a row of ladders? Forget bad luck, if a ladder collapses, you will get crushed. If you weave in and out of the ladders, you could tip them over. So it's better to walk around them from a distance, and it's the same for the carts.

This continues outside in the parking lot as well. Everyone is in such a hurry, everyone has such important business to attend to, so every second saved must lead to successful completion of each task. That must be why people risk their lives and vehicles by speeding down the aisles and cutting diagonally across seemingly empty spaces. What confounds me is the speed at which people exit the parking lot, since they probably zig zagged across coming in to the store, and now they speed straight out without looking for the next zig zagger. I'm surprised no one has been hurt or wrecked yet, at least I haven't seen it.

If there was ever a stop sign to always stop for, it would be the one at the main entrance where pedestrian traffic is highest. I especially enjoy the driver who only inches towards me as I walk across, it's like saying "I'm not going to punch you in the face, but I will raise my fist and aim it at you". What if I stop, trip, or you miss the brake and hit the gas? What point does it serve to drift into the crosswalk without stopping, even if someone is already in the crosswalk? If it were up to me these drivers would have no license. It's not just rude at this point, it's dangerous.

The general mentality of the public seems to be "faster, less attention to detail, more convenient, less time" and yet the opposite becomes true. If you try and outpace yourself at a task you are familiar with, it becomes less familiar and harder to sustain. Like typing, I can only go so fast, and that's good enough. At some point it becomes irresponsible, you can't walk over and ignore people because they might slow you down. These rude people shouldn't be surprised at how messy things can become after they've spent a couple of weeks, months, and years being in a constant hurry.

Slow the hell down, and then get out of my way!

Radiohead

Best band ever. Move over Beatles!

I could just end there, but I'm serious. Every song is memorable, each one captures a time in my life when all I could do was listen to Radiohead and dream up music videos in my head. The best news is that Radiohead continues to deliver, as the latest video "Lotus Flower" has the internet's attention. Here we see Thom Yorke dancing/quivering/looking homeless (also looking a lot like Adrian Brodie) and I can't help dig the whole thing. It makes me laugh and it strikes me impressed at the same time.

While it's a choreographed dance, I can't help but feel like Thom improvised his moves. I can see people behind the scenes "OK Thom, let's begin with a classical ballet and...oh, what are you doing?" and someone else says "No no, it's alright. Let him get into it, Thom's a genius!"

Many Radiohead songs sound alike, but they are each emotive in their own way. Some are eery, some dreamy, some funny, and quite a few (of my favorites) are so sad you must cry. I'm always amazed by the variety of sound they come up with. Sometimes we have good dance beats (well I don't dance but if I did) sprinkled with funky guitar and Thom's sly lyrics, or a slow haunting piano melody.

I don't usually promote the bands or music I listen to, so I'll stop here, but I've been rediscovering Radiohead lately so I'm damn glad they still produce music.

Hold On, I'm Sick This Week

My video making got put on hold this week. First I couldn't find WMM on Windows 7, so I had to download it. I haven't used it yet, I hope it will be simple to learn. Then I caught some cold on Monday, and as I type this I am feeling warm and relaxed as nighttime cold medicine takes hold. I missed work yesterday, on account of my fever, but today I didn't have a temperature so I worked any way. It may have been better for me to skip today too, although I can't afford to lose any more hours, because tonight my temperature rose up to 99.7.

I hate how colds catch you by surprise, when you are sleeping they give you funny dreams. Monday night I felt ok before bed, but then I was haunted all night by repetitive thoughts. One of them had me believe I was chopping away blocks in Minecraft, I could see the same 3 blocks behind my eyes. Those blocks went on forever, and I could feel my temperature rising. The other theme I couldn't stop thinking of was politician Ron Paul, and whether or not he would run for President next year. I think I was arguing with imaginary people about why we need to support Ron Paul. It's funny, since I wanted to discuss this in my video. I guess I'm more excited about Ron Paul than I knew!

I have to say, being drowsy feels nice. A small glass of wine helps too, just don't drink too much because it can be dehydrating. I'll be asleep soon, so I'll stop. I'm still eager to post my video, so I can't wait to feel better.

Excuses, When Enough is Enough!

Allllllllllllright let me say it feels like I've been holding my breath and typing now feels like sweet release!

I've been avoiding posting videos and ignored my blog here for a good year plus change now, and you should know that I've done the same with piano-I haven't played or created anything I could share for just as long. Now I hate watching a video where the person hasn't posted in a while and then they must explain themselves to the subscribers, I take this as a bad sign that the person probably won't be posting any more after the apologies and excuses are offered. Not only that, but what if I'm a new viewer and wasn't aware that this person left for a while? Then it wouldn't matter to me when they last posted something, and it really isn't important if they do actually continue posting stuff regularly (like more than once a year!).

However, I do see it as an obstacle to not explain your absence when deciding to post something new. At least in part a video full of excuses offers the viewers an update into what the person was doing all that time. Presumably they weren't busy filming and editing their latest video! But I am full of guilt, simply because I've lost touch with and had little to no communication between so many of my favorite people, as if the lines went down. So I can't ignore that I feel this way, and since I want to try posting again, I have to clear this now so that my next video isn't filled with "what's new is that nothing's new" which is a lie! Everything's new, all the time.

Stuffs happened, much of it worth talking about, but what I'll be doing in this video isn't a summary of that. I need to talk about what I've been doing this week, so it's recent. Besides, restoring the lines between friends (if they are still around) will take its own time, and I believe it's necessary to restore some trust that I will keep on posting more often before some people will take notice. I'm motivated to do this because I miss people, I never cared about having a large number of subscribers. A general apology to the public isn't very personal and I like having an intimate audience I can open up to.

But if I were going to post a video full of excuses, they would be as follows:

Guilt. An overwhelming sense that I've abandoned and disappointed the people who used to support and inspire me, so showing my face now or any time in the future would result in their withdrawal and disapproval of me, a silly idea yes?

Work schedule. For example, I worked 5 to 9 PM tonight, and tomorrow I have to roll in there bright eyed and bushy tailed by 12 noon. Messes my sleep schedule all up, plus I spend the spare hours I have indulging in my favorite obsession, video games. Would any body care to know what I've been playing at odd hours of the day, for months on end now? I know, somebody would, as long as I was posting again, it might be OK.

IRL people. I began posting to You Tube while I was still living at home with my parents, and I wasn't social at all. So YT became my human contact until I moved out and met IRL people. Initially I couldn't wait to share every day with YT, but somehow this seemed overwhelming and not very interesting to me. At work IRL people would still be there whether I wanted to see them or not, and the contrast between the people I want to meet and see more of (that's you Internet) and the IRL folks who get to see me every day really makes me sad! But now many of those IRL people I used to work with have moved on, and I've realized it takes more effort to stay in touch with the ones you miss. In general, just taking for granted the idea that people will always be where you expect them. I better reach out now and say "Hey, are you still there? I'm here!"

Inspiration. I'm either unable to find anything interesting to say in a video, or not feeling up to the challenge of posting something that doesn't need to say much if anything at all. I never did feel like I was any good at filming and editing movies, and I don't have very much in the way of portable video.

WMM. I have a new computer now, but I remember how awful windows movie maker was. I haven't even looked into the latest version, but I'm about to find out! I think this is the best excuse I have, for sure.

So that's about that. I'll be using this blog as a support for my videos, to flesh out the ideas I want to express and so I know what I'm talking about first. On that point, I guess I have another excuse: talking to a camera without any idea what you should be saying. Yet I've always wanted to be real and candid, but I never felt totally comfortable talking at the webcam.