Love and Valentine's Day

So it's the weekend of Valentine's Day, neatly etched in-between the Christmas season and my birthday on the 16th, and I've heard a lot of talk about love via the Internet and You Tube. A common issue people have with Valentine's Day, and any other holiday for that matter, is the exploitation of the appropriate theme of the day by commercial enterprise. It's a valid argument, if not a cynical one.

Let's not allow the commercial sector to diminish the values that we hold dear. If love is important to you, every day of the year is a potential holiday.

Therefore during these popular holidays I am urged to reflect on the past year, relevant to the theme of the day. So if I take the time to consider what is love, and how I have displayed love throughout the year, I am more likely to celebrate life and love on a daily basis and not just Valentine's Day. Cultural traditions and social pressures can interfere with our personal reverence by insisting that on these "special days" we should drop a dollar or two, but if you make a daily effort to consider what is most valuable to you, this sort of influence becomes irrelevant. That's why for me a holiday is primarily a date marked for reflection.

So I offer my reflection on what I have learned about love this past year, what is love? For me, there is a difference between being in love, and sharing love. The simple difference is that in the second case there are at least two parties active and involved in loving each other, while in the first case there is no other person to receive love. This means I can be in love with a girl, or a car, or any thing at all, but that person or that thing does not reciprocate. Therefore, this is not love at all, but attraction to a need or from a wanting, and confusing that with love means you cannot receive it in return. Attraction is fine, even pleasant, and desire is usually disappointing.

I think love is the product of dedication and trust, both of which require consistent selfless action, not attraction to a fantasy. And only when those two factors are met, and recognized equally, can two people share love. Another issue emerges, however, when love itself becomes the desire. The desire for love can make us forget that we need to develop dedication and trust, together, before we get to share love. This error is understandable because both dedication and trust require hard work, and often sacrifice and compromise together, for the sake of another person who may not initially appreciate or offer these in return.

For this reason love and risk usually meet together in the same sentence. Just remember that what's at stake is only your time and energy, and if you offer this first and it isn't welcomed, it is their loss and your heart will still be safe. This is why it can be so exciting when you find someone who responds to your work, it's actually validating.

Love is like a goad for two people, working together, each trusting, and each dedicated to whatever service is needed from each other. Love is the result of our selfless efforts, the energy that moves us when we feel like giving up. Keep in mind I am not only talking about couples and romance, but of family and community as well. So the better question now is: what is dedication, and what is trust? Make a holiday out of those values!