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My video making got put on hold this week. First I couldn't find WMM on Windows 7, so I had to download it. I haven't used it yet, I hope it will be simple to learn. Then I caught some cold on Monday, and as I type this I am feeling warm and relaxed as nighttime cold medicine takes hold. I missed work yesterday, on account of my fever, but today I didn't have a temperature so I worked any way. It may have been better for me to skip today too, although I can't afford to lose any more hours, because tonight my temperature rose up to 99.7.
I hate how colds catch you by surprise, when you are sleeping they give you funny dreams. Monday night I felt ok before bed, but then I was haunted all night by repetitive thoughts. One of them had me believe I was chopping away blocks in Minecraft, I could see the same 3 blocks behind my eyes. Those blocks went on forever, and I could feel my temperature rising. The other theme I couldn't stop thinking of was politician Ron Paul, and whether or not he would run for President next year. I think I was arguing with imaginary people about why we need to support Ron Paul. It's funny, since I wanted to discuss this in my video. I guess I'm more excited about Ron Paul than I knew!
I have to say, being drowsy feels nice. A small glass of wine helps too, just don't drink too much because it can be dehydrating. I'll be asleep soon, so I'll stop. I'm still eager to post my video, so I can't wait to feel better.
Allllllllllllright let me say it feels like I've been holding my breath and typing now feels like sweet release!
I've been avoiding posting videos and ignored my blog here for a good year plus change now, and you should know that I've done the same with piano-I haven't played or created anything I could share for just as long. Now I hate watching a video where the person hasn't posted in a while and then they must explain themselves to the subscribers, I take this as a bad sign that the person probably won't be posting any more after the apologies and excuses are offered. Not only that, but what if I'm a new viewer and wasn't aware that this person left for a while? Then it wouldn't matter to me when they last posted something, and it really isn't important if they do actually continue posting stuff regularly (like more than once a year!).
However, I do see it as an obstacle to not explain your absence when deciding to post something new. At least in part a video full of excuses offers the viewers an update into what the person was doing all that time. Presumably they weren't busy filming and editing their latest video! But I am full of guilt, simply because I've lost touch with and had little to no communication between so many of my favorite people, as if the lines went down. So I can't ignore that I feel this way, and since I want to try posting again, I have to clear this now so that my next video isn't filled with "what's new is that nothing's new" which is a lie! Everything's new, all the time.
Stuffs happened, much of it worth talking about, but what I'll be doing in this video isn't a summary of that. I need to talk about what I've been doing this week, so it's recent. Besides, restoring the lines between friends (if they are still around) will take its own time, and I believe it's necessary to restore some trust that I will keep on posting more often before some people will take notice. I'm motivated to do this because I miss people, I never cared about having a large number of subscribers. A general apology to the public isn't very personal and I like having an intimate audience I can open up to.
But if I were going to post a video full of excuses, they would be as follows:
Guilt. An overwhelming sense that I've abandoned and disappointed the people who used to support and inspire me, so showing my face now or any time in the future would result in their withdrawal and disapproval of me, a silly idea yes?
Work schedule. For example, I worked 5 to 9 PM tonight, and tomorrow I have to roll in there bright eyed and bushy tailed by 12 noon. Messes my sleep schedule all up, plus I spend the spare hours I have indulging in my favorite obsession, video games. Would any body care to know what I've been playing at odd hours of the day, for months on end now? I know, somebody would, as long as I was posting again, it might be OK.
IRL people. I began posting to You Tube while I was still living at home with my parents, and I wasn't social at all. So YT became my human contact until I moved out and met IRL people. Initially I couldn't wait to share every day with YT, but somehow this seemed overwhelming and not very interesting to me. At work IRL people would still be there whether I wanted to see them or not, and the contrast between the people I want to meet and see more of (that's you Internet) and the IRL folks who get to see me every day really makes me sad! But now many of those IRL people I used to work with have moved on, and I've realized it takes more effort to stay in touch with the ones you miss. In general, just taking for granted the idea that people will always be where you expect them. I better reach out now and say "Hey, are you still there? I'm here!"
Inspiration. I'm either unable to find anything interesting to say in a video, or not feeling up to the challenge of posting something that doesn't need to say much if anything at all. I never did feel like I was any good at filming and editing movies, and I don't have very much in the way of portable video.
WMM. I have a new computer now, but I remember how awful windows movie maker was. I haven't even looked into the latest version, but I'm about to find out! I think this is the best excuse I have, for sure.
So that's about that. I'll be using this blog as a support for my videos, to flesh out the ideas I want to express and so I know what I'm talking about first. On that point, I guess I have another excuse: talking to a camera without any idea what you should be saying. Yet I've always wanted to be real and candid, but I never felt totally comfortable talking at the webcam.
