Midnight June's Roommate Checklist

If you get a profile of a roommate that looks something like this, you'll be more likely to choose someone who isn't going to ruin your life or just bum you out. This comes from what I've read on your blog so I have an idea of the type of person you won't like having around.


"I'm a young college student who needs a warm place to crash. My favorite activities are talking loudly on the phone at all hours of the night, grooming my pets in doors and dancing randomly to rave music at 3 AM. I like to cook but I don't like doing the dishes, even if there is a dishwasher.

I have a sizable cardboard box collection and a few of them are flattened for storage, but I do require one extra closet space or at least a corner of the living room to store them in. I also own 3 ferrets that need plenty of exercise, a loud and unfriendly parrot that likes to try and bite people, and a very old pug that snorts all day and has issues with its bowels.

I'm a very friendly and welcoming person. I don't like to judge people for their decisions and lifestyle. Therefore, I tend to invite strangers over to spend the night. I'm looking for a home with a large couch or futon so my new friends will have a place to crash at night. I suffer from sleep apnea so I snore loudly, and I need room to stretch when I sleep so I don't ever share my bed. I'm hoping to move into a home that is open to all kinds of people, and that doesn't have a strict policy about having permission to keep company over at any time.

I get along with most people, but I can't stand it when a person talks down to me just because they make more money than me or pay more for rent. I don't like people who try to parent me and require me to do chores, I'm a mature adult who can take care of things when I decide to. I don't like when people dictate what I talk about. I'm not a puppet, I like to speak what's on my mind. It's important that when somebody has a problem with me that they tell me to my face.

I have my own car, but it has a very new look to it so I prefer to park it in a covered area especially when it gets windy outside. I don't like to live with people who are so stiff and predictable that they get upset if I decide to rearrange their things, especially if those things aren't used. Carpe diem, I like to live life by the moment! I hope my roommates won't be so uptight if their things get wet, because I think random water balloon parties are the most fun. It reminds me of being a child, I like most things that remind me of being a child. I miss being a child. I think most people are unhappy because they have too many responsibilities, and they would be better off without them.

So I'll be graduating in 6 to 7 years so I hope my roommates and I will be best friends until then."


So yeah, don't pick that person next time and you may find a responsible adult instead who goes to bed at a reasonable hour, who doesn't leave random people on the couch without warning (or just doesn't have people come over, didn't the spend the night thing end when we were 10?) and who won't touch your shit. Sadly, I was thinking of a few real people I've known who remind me of this person describing "themselves". I think you'll find a much better match next time, and soon this mess will be a memory.